×
First-time login tip: If you're a REBA Member, you'll need to reset your password the first time you login.
23 Aug 2022
by Paul Watson

Ditch the phone: 8 wellbeing insights to beat loneliness

A recent webinar by mental health service Unmind considered how rediscovering life away from our smartphones can boost our mental health

Ditch the phone: 8 wellbeing insights about beating loneliness.jpg 1

 

Loneliness is not just a human emotion, it is also biological. Yet, when we turn to gadget screens for connection, we often find the opposite (that is, higher rates of anxiety, stress and loneliness).

For Mental Health Awareness Week (UK), and Mental Health Awareness Month (US), mental health service provider Unmind launched a call to arms/thumbs: ‘Stop the Scroll’.

To explore how we can better un-wire, beat distraction and foster more togetherness, Unmind co-founder and chief wellbeing officer Steve Peralta spoke to an expert panel on either side of the Atlantic during a recent seminar. 

He was joined by:

Catherine Price –  author of the book: How to Break Up With Your Phone (UK/US webinar).

Georgie Wheadon – Founder of Umii (UK).

Professor Roger Patulny – Associate Professor of Sociology at the University of Wollongong (UK).

​​Dr Jeremy Nobel. Professor at the Harvard School of Public Health, and founder of Project UnLonely (US).

Dr Julianne Holt-Lunstad. A TED speaker and member of the technical working group for the UK Cross Departmental Loneliness Team (US).

Here are eight top findings:

1. Technology is both hero and villain

Social media likes are no substitute for quality interaction with people. And yet, like choosing sweet treats over salad, these can be an all-too tempting replacement for taking time to connect with friends in real life.

As Catherine Price said: “The irony is that some of the apps that were created, supposedly, to connect us, are doing completely the opposite.”

The fix? Catherine suggests tuning into ourselves. Ask: do I actually feel connected?

2. You can reclaim control of tech

For many of us, phones are the last thing our eyes see at bedtime and the first we see in the morning. During awake hours, devices disrupt our daily routines hundreds of times.

Worse, we spend much of our lives with one foot in the real world, and another in the virtual. Scrolling while chatting, while cooking, while on a treadmill. At its worst, tech can prevent us from ever being 100% present.

Yet it is possible to erect better boundaries.

Steps include:

• Switching off push notifications.

• Making social media apps harder to find on your phone (or deleting, so you can only access via a laptop).

• Turning some rooms at home into no-phone zones.

• When you reach for your phone, as yourself – why?
Simple awareness can bring about a deeper level of understanding. From there, you can choose to make better decisions.

3. Loneliness has a fixed definition (no, wait, two)

Professor Patulny explained there are two types of loneliness – social and emotional. To combat loneliness, it’s key to first work out which you are experiencing.

As Prof Roger noted: “It’s possible to be in a loving relationship, but feel lonely because you expect your partner to make up for a lack of friends.

“On the other hand, you can have a group of good friends and feel lonely without a primary partner.” In a recent US study, students who admitted to higher rates of binge drinking reported less loneliness. “It gave them a sense of belonging, connection and authentic friendships,” said Dr Jeremy Nobel. “And yet it’s a very toxic way to achieve that kind.”

4. And it’s also pretty complex

Dr Holt-Lunstad: “People might say they feel alone or they feel isolated, but [loneliness is] often defined as the discrepancy between one’s actual level of connection and one’s desired level of connection.

“In fact, you can be isolated but not feel lonely, you might take pleasure in that solitude. 

“And conversely, you can be not isolated – so surrounded by other people – and still feel profoundly lonely.”

5. Stop the cycle of digital distraction

Every time a pal hearts your cat snap on Instagram, you get a jolt of dopamine. This tells your brain to seek more. Social media companies are geared around algorithms that keep us scrolling. So is it any wonder we sometimes find it hard to stop?

In Australia, millions have deleted their Facebook accounts. Many are doing the same with Twitter. Some younger people believe certain social platforms aren’t worth it at all.

Instead of aimless scrolling, is there something you’d sooner do? If not, scroll away. If there is a more enjoyable way to spend your time… do that.

6. Embrace tech with ‘hybrid socialising’

Mixing the physical office with working from home suits many a modern lifestyle. So who says friendships can’t be nurtured online and off?

Online relationships can help ease the stress of in-person meetings. “Social anxiety is at an all-time high,” Georgia Wheadon said, “especially in Gen Z. So it may be easier for many younger people to meet in real life after already chatting online.”

7. Avoiding loneliness at all costs can cause problems

While students who admitted to higher rates of binge drinking reported less loneliness, it’s clearly not the best way to do it.

There’s a much deeper debate around the merits of connection to be had (for instance, social isolation is shown to increase risk of illnesses, and even death), yet Dr Nobel’s message was: get inquisitive.

“The most helpful thing we can be doing for ourselves and others is to explore loneliness,” he said. “Get curious about it. So when we have crappy ass experiences on our phone that makes us feel terrible, we stop doing them and move towards things that are more helpful.”

8. The ‘fizz’ you feel around friends is real

Remember that buzz you felt, post lockdown, when ditching Zoom for actual face-time with workmates? This wasn’t the rush of liberation (or at least, not only that), it was ‘collective effervescence'. 

As Catherine Price said: “[It']s the feeling we get when we’re in a group of people and feel this energy from the group. I think it’s something we’ve really been missing for the past two years – that kind of joyful energy that can come just from being around other human beings.”

Missed the webinars? Watch in full, below:

 

Related topics

In partnership with Unmind

Our vision is to create a world where mental health is universally understood, nurtured&celebrated.

Contact us today