Bereavement in the workplace: how to have better conversations
If a colleague, friend or relative is bereaved, do you know what – and what not – to say? The National Bereavement Service, sister company of Adroit Legal Services, has put together this quick guide to help you have better conversations.
- Anticipate: Don’t cross the street to avoid meeting someone who is newly bereaved, or – unless they’ve communicated that this is their preference – launch into a work-related conversation with no reference to what has happened. A little thought in advance and, even if slightly awkward, it will be one that is genuine and acknowledges grief.
- Acknowledge: Always acknowledge what has happened unless you’ve been advised otherwise. “I was sorry to hear….” - you may not even complete the sentence before the bereaved person responds. Their response will demonstrate whether that’s sufficient.
- Listen: Not just with your ears, but with your eyes and body language. For some people a spontaneous hug is exactly right, but for others it will be intrusive.
- Be honest – with kindness: If you didn’t know the person who has died, you don’t need to invent. Concentrate on the bereaved person instead, or facts about them that you know. If your colleague often complained about how loudly their partner played music then “I guess the house may seem too quiet now?” may show you have remembered what they have said, but recognise that all changes are challenging in early bereavement.
- Never make assumptions: Never assume anything about the relationship of the bereaved person with the person who has died, nor about their end-of-life experience. There are no religions that guarantee that someone is “in a better place”. “At least they didn’t suffer” is also a major assumption. None of us can really know this, and pain and suffering can be spiritual, moral, emotional as well as physical.
- Be specific with offers of help: “Let me know if there is anything I can do” is too vague. Are you saying it just to be polite? Offers of meals for the freezer, help with shopping, sharing the school run or help with gardening, DIY or other chores are often needed and show that your offer is genuine. If it is likely that a bereaved person will be inundated with visitors, then tea, coffee, biscuits and loo roll are all helpful.
- When is your experience relevant? You may have experienced a similar bereavement in the past. You may choose to have a quiet word, or send a note or an email acknowledging this, saying “You may not know this about me, but my son took his own life … years ago. I’m here for you if you want to talk about what has happened.”
Bereavement training for better communication
Do your people, managers, service providers or volunteers know how to communicate effectively, empathetically and sensitively with a bereaved person?
Professional bereavement training from the National Bereavement Service helps your organisation to support bereaved people with invaluable guidance at what can be an extremely challenging time.
Training is suitable for everyone, from people with responsibility for staff management and welfare, to those who are directly customer-facing, including telephony teams.
Training topics & content may include:
- Managing & supporting bereaved employees in the workplace: Best practice, policies, processes & resources
- Bereavement for HR & line managers: Promoting a grief-aware company culture, supporting bereaved employees & managing return-to-work
- Bereavement for customer service teams: Conducting death administration conversations compassionately & professionally
How bereavement training has helped the University of Leicester to better-support bereaved people
The Student Recruitment and Outreach team at the University of Leicester has experienced a number of bereavements in recent months.
The university sought group training around emotional understanding, communication and open discussions, enabling team members to feel more comfortable and confident in their interactions with bereaved colleagues.
Training delivered on site at the university improved colleagues’ knowledge, confidence and skills included:
- Awareness of the practical and emotional grief journey
- Enhancing the quality of conversations between line managers, team members and bereaved people with appropriate empathy, compassion, and care
- Signposting to additional sources of support, with increased efficiency in answering and helping bereaved people with their questions
- Improved staff morale through supportive conversations with bereaved colleagues
- Enhancing skills and confidence, leading to greater staff retention and happier team interactions
“The training...was absolutely fantastic. From putting together a very thorough proposal that clearly met the needs of the team identified in advance, to delivering an expertly-handled, interactive session, we couldn’t have asked for a better approach to a really sensitive topic,” said Elliot Newstead, head of UK student recruitment and outreach.
Find out more about bereavement training from the National Bereavement Service: Call 0800 024 6121 or email [email protected].
